Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
