So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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