I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
