I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
