dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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