Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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