I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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