Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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