____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
