Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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