i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
