Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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