i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
