the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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