mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
