its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
