You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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