you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
