I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
