I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
