I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
