also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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