1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
