did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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