I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
In America we eat man semen.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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