i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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