An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
