Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
