11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
