Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Sex in the backyard? Check.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
