i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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