I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
