I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
