This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
