a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
