is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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