today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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