Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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