Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
