Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
