I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
