also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
