THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
