It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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