I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
