the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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