I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize