He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
