You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
