let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
