I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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