my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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