We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
