Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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