maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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