So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
birth control should be required to get into college
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Is Oprah even human
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
