just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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