why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
