Say something about gay babies.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
