Just cropdusted the office
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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