Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
