i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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