i don't like sucking hair
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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