The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
