Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
