nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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