So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
