he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
